1. I have started yoga again (with G this time) and even though the classes are beginners’ classes, they are pretty hard core and I am
pretty VERY unfit! So having managed to keep up with an almost 2 hour class is quite an achievement and I am really enjoying the after burn of our second class.
2. Last night I tried working out on the new climbing wall G built for him and R in the lounge, and not only was it lots of fun and a hard workout, but I did pretty well! I managed to do all the moves G and R did, not as often as them but still I kept going and broke through some moves that initially I couldn’t do and thought I wouldn’t be able to ever do. It’s totally addictive!
3. I have been having quite a number of panic attacks again lately – had a few days of them just before G got back and then the last 2 days they’ve spiked again and I am proud of myself for a) working, battling through them – it’s exhausting, I know the tools I need to use but it’s still very hard work – and b) being brave enough to be honest about them with G – he can’t do anything to help, but knowing he knows does help, and it’s quite a big thing for me to tell him something like this because it’s a part of me I really don’t like.
4. This is the big one: I do try, when I am wrong about something, to admit it and apologise as soon as possible but today I set a new record .
See, I projected some of my friends’ relationship problems on to my own relationship with G and accused him of things he doesn’t do. I did this because I am afraid of ending up in an unhappy relationship myself, but after making the accusations (and being completely hypocritical in the process) I realised that as much as I have a right to speak up when I’m not happy about something, in this case I had no grounds for what I was saying apart from fear. Never a good reason to do or say anything. Unless of course you’re faced with a charging rhino in which case the fear is totally real and useful and you need to climb the nearest tree. Groundless fear I should say is never a good reason to lash out at someone.
So by the time we were on the way to work I saw the error of my ways (I might add without them having to be pointed out to me because if G had tried that I would have stubbornly stood my ground). Instead he was rather bewildered and quiet and to his credit still bought me en route-to-work-coffee while I mulled over the one sided conversation I’d lobbed at him and realised I was not only wrong but was also being totally unfair.
So within less than 30 minutes of having a go at him I turned off the radio and apologised and even went as far as explaining just how wrong I was, and also why I had made the accusations (the whole projection thing) and by the time we arrived at my work peace had been restored.
Hence, I am proud of myself today.
Yay me 🙂